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This is What it Feels Like to Be Illiterate
I have to make a confession.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines literacy as being “able to read and write.”
Most of us take this simple skill for granted. We went to school as kids, learned to read from parents, teachers, and aggressively large yellow birds.
Some of us took this basic expertise and allowed it to completely envelop our worlds. Even at incredibly young ages, we’d make attempts at reading Lord of the Rings without truly quite knowing what an “ilex” or “hauberk” or “Grade 9 reading level” meant.
But not all of us took this extra leap to form a complete grasp of languages.
The CIA World Factbook states 99% of the US population is literate.
I am not one of those people.¹
The Intricacies of Shopping
When I go to the store, I rely on the pictures more than anything. I trust in the superpowers of the supermarket manager to provide the goods in a logical order.
If Q-tips don’t have a Q on them, I pray the container is see-through. Lest I end up buying something that’s meant for a different orifice.
Buying cleaning products always presents a challenge. How am I to really know if this discounted brand is suitable for my whites, my colors, or my Ancient Roman robes which are only worn at special ceremonies which need not be mentioned here?
But hey, 5% off is 5% earned.
God forbid you find me situated in the vegan aisle with all of its misteaken² dishes made to look like tasty meats.
Speaking from experience, they never quite taste the same. Although I once had a lovely crispy piece of cardboard left under a pizza that rang true to similar vegan flavors.
And don’t get me started on trying to find proper supplements. Yes, I know I should be taking vitamin A, B, C, D, E, and possibly γ, Δ, or ζ, but I don’t really know the difference. So I just take them all.
I am a good customer.
Why I Can’t Read
I’m not fully illiterate, despite the absolutist title of this piece. The last time I was tested…
