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𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 • 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 • 𝗜 𝗼𝗯𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀 • 𝗜 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 • 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀: amzn.to/3mzdiUg 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: jjpryor.substack.com

Machines are coming for your jobs, and they’re incredibly cute

A robot cat server winking
A robot cat server winking
Image Credit: AmericanRoboTech

There’s a massive labor shortage in the U.S. right now.

Some industries are responding by raising their wages. Some are just turning to the age-old adage of accusing workers of being lazy and lacking straps for boots. Republican leaders are blaming the situation on government unemployment benefits.

And then there are restaurants like La Duni, in Dallas, Texas. Their solution for the lack of workers?

Cute robots named BellaBot that look like anime cats.

That’s one fine kitty robot you got there

To its credit, the BellaBot is a fine-looking piece of machinery.

It has an unimposing black and white body that stretches up 3 feet high while…


REALISTIC HUMOR

Please avoid making this mistake, you won’t regret it

Photo by Filip Bunkens on Unsplash

Many places around the world have finally lowered restrictions and let bars reopen to the public. But it’s not like it used to be, is it?

Many pubs require partitions between seats. Others have outdoor seating only. Even more require masks to be worn in between sips of the precious.

It’s this last fact that has led to an unbelievably problematic issue. One I incredulously see no one else talking about, yet.

It’s a new kind of STD, and it’s a terrifying sight to behold.

Post-Covid Weekends

Picture this. You just finished a stressful week of work getting yelled at on Zoom…


HUMOROUS SNARK

And it couldn’t be more wrong

A goat in front of a chalkboard that says 2 + 2 = 5
A goat in front of a chalkboard that says 2 + 2 = 5
Photo by Michal Matlon on Unsplash

I’m not sure if any of you noticed, but the geniuses behind Grammarly’s marketing team just decided to turn language into a zero-sum game.

Apparently, there can be a winner and a loser when it comes to writing wordlings in the English vernacular.

Apparentlierer, I’m winning.

And 97% of you are now officially losers!

At least in the cold dead AI eyes of the Grammarly Chrome extension that is.

(All hail our future autocorrecting overlords, 4eva may thee rain.)

It all started with a simple email.

“JJ, you used more unique words than 97% of users!”

Well, la tee frickin…


Recounting the scariest part of my childhood

Blood streaking down a window
Blood streaking down a window
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

He preferred to be called T. He’d get immediately soured if you referred to him by anything else. But we all loved him nonetheless.

T loved listening to 90s grunge music, binge eating on Friday nights, and having long conversations with friends who didn’t always listen to what he’d have to say. His friends called him a ‘chill cat’ and loved partying with him.

But some people ignored him on the regular, much to T’s disappointed chagrin. He still loved them nonetheless.

Roommates With a Serial Killer

T was just one of my many roommates while I was flexing out my angsty teenage years. Our…


They’re playing a deadly game of life and death — for all of us

One hand stopping another hand from drinking juice
One hand stopping another hand from drinking juice
Photo by Andy Pluzhnik from Pexels

My cat used to sit on a tall stool in our kitchen. He would nod off to sleep, lay his head down, and then inevitably notice it.

Mr. Smigglesworth III would chase his tail around and around and around that stool.

He was never able to catch up to his prey du jour, and never could comprehend the sheer physical impossibility of his task. That never stopped him from trying though, day in and day out.

Hilarious, but stupid, in the literal sense. Mr. Smigglesworth III was playing his own dance of ouroboros and didn’t even know it.

But even…


Fact: I cringed writing this title

Someone hacking away at a tree stump with an axe
Someone hacking away at a tree stump with an axe
^ Not this type of ‘hacking’ either. Photo by Abby Savage on Unsplash

Please note, the psychology hack in this case, isn’t myself — even if I do have a long-term obsession with studying the subject.

Well, it probably is too, but it takes on an additional meaning in the context of this article. I’m talking about a new wave of style on Medium I’m starting to see more and more often.

And here’s why you might want to consider it for your own articles.

It started the other day.

I wrote yet another absolutely hilarious humor article in the expectation of hitting a new record for those articles (12 reads) and I remembered my old pals over…


There can only be one possible explanation

A green background with the text saying “the end”
A green background with the text saying “the end”
Photo by Alex on Unsplash

Before you ask, yes, I was too lazy to write ‘The End’ on my computer and screenshot it. So, thanks “Alex” from Unsplash, you’re just slightly less lazier than me.

You know what else I’ve been too lazy to do for the past month? Write for esteemed publications. I got distracted by that silly writing contest and couldn’t get my head out of essay and humor mode.

You know, the two types of writing that some of us enjoy way more than being all serious and shit.

Like writing the kinds of articles that involve actually having to do real…


Because most of us make the title last

A mug saying 80 20 rule beside a laptop in a cafe
A mug saying 80 20 rule beside a laptop in a cafe
Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

I’m kind of bad at creating article titles. I’ll spend hours and hours writing up a beautifully ugly piece of writing, finally hit the last round of editing, pick the perfect pic, and then move onto the title:

“Oh, the first one I tried is the best one? What a coincidence!”

But it’s never perfect, is it, proverbial J.J.?

Like, ever. It’s just my (read: our) laziness talking when I/we do that.

This brief article will talk about how to improve just that in three simple ways — with a bunch of links for good measure and further reading.

#1 The Sad Reality of Blog Titles

Not…


This isn’t about religion. Not really.

A woman looking out over mountains in the background.
A woman looking out over mountains in the background.
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

This weekend you’ve found yourself visiting some neighbors for a relaxing barbecue. You have some close friends there as well as some new stragglers who were invited. One of them is me.

I’m 6 feet, 200 lbs, with big old tired blue eyes and usually a smile on my face when I know someone is looking.

Dinner goes well.

A few beers, some nice chats about your city, where I’m from, and how yes, I can speak some Chinese even though I’m whiter than ivory.

And yes, I can perform like a dancing monkey for you and translate what you…


If you’re here to make money (and possibly laugh at me)

A graph of an investment’s ROI
A graph of an investment’s ROI
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

This is a touchy subject. Not for me, of course, because in this case, I’m the toucher, not the touchee.

But as I’m sure you know, there is an age-old epic battle of the moralities over arting for the glory of the craft or doing it for the sweet, sweet smell of the almighty dollar bill.

If you ignore how each one’s been touched by 110 potentially peeful hands in the last year, that is.

But it does raise the question, especially here on Medium: “Is it okay to pursue money as a writer?”

And assuming you’re okay with that…

J.J. Pryor

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